Do you ever judge other people? Do you ever conclude your opinions before inquiring? Do your superficial judgments happen just with people, or with everything else? Do you judge yourself unconsciously? How did it feel when you realized the wrongness of your conclusion?
Do you think of thoughts, yours & others….? Do you worry about other people’s thoughts about you? If you think that you don’t care about what others think of you, why did you bother thinking or saying it anyway?
Now, “what the love” happens when we think of other people’s thoughts?!
A widespread mind virus – thinking of others’ thoughts. Comes in a variety of forms, shapes, and colors. If we are not guilty of thinking about others, we may be guilty of not thinking enough. Is good to think about others’ feelings & thoughts, if it happens consciously, as it will help us connect better – while every unconscious thought (about other people’s thinking) brings us closer to despair.
- The way we perceive the world, both of the material and the living things – humans at most, happens as a consequence of our present understanding regarding their nature.
(nature = the truth of the world, based on observable interconnection & interdependence – laws of nature)
With the same thinking mechanics, our perceptions are conveyed into our being only through the pathways we created, with the lightness of our minds. Our emotions will be touched only if the sensations from what we perceive vibrate powerful enough to bypass our minds – or if they come through our “mind-ways”. Everything else will be repealed or stuck into the entanglements of the mind – in superficial understandings, illusions we created to make our life more comfortable, as we were incapable of searching for the true nature of things.
A personal experience
My colleagues, on our way to school, were talking about death. I was for the first time aware of the phenomenon, of “not living”. I contemplated for a while and asked them “How would it be & feel to die?”. My seven-year-old colleagues went into survival mode. Some froze in thinking, while some fought with instinctive questions “How can you think of that?” or “Why would you want to know?” – aggressiveness being the emotional recoil. I believe one of them is unconsciously traumatized to this moment, incapable of understanding where the fear of living comes from. But indeed, why would I want to know….!?
I saw my grandmother in a coffin, incapable of understanding what happened, as I only remember one moment around her – in a kitchen as she cooked for the whole family, about twenty people. It was a meaningless experience, as no one dared to interact with me about it or answer my questions. My emotional connection was too thin to ever make me feel something, as I never had any thoughts about that woman, which my father used to call “mother”.
I only observed and known death after encountering a humongous sage frog. Fearful of that monster, I grab a stone and throw it to scare it. Headshot….Life drains out of that being, while I witness it – while I cause it. I wanted my fear to fade, the fear of the unknown, the fear of death, as I believed with all my being that “monster” would harm me. I was seven or eight….That image still haunts me. I killed some snakes from our courtyard since then, reacting to my fear, that sprung from the Christian traditions – sacrificed some chickens, ducks, and gooses as absolute necessities. Crashed some snails in my rush – saved others instead. “A snail for a snail”. I can only wonder now, what would have happened to me if I would not reflect on my actions. I am vegetarian now, because is better for myself and the world.
No one dared to explain what death is and that inquiry was lost in my mind. Even the priest was speechless. Only the dead dare to listen to me back then. I understood something about death when four big sheepdogs attacked me and while surrounded by them I felt more alive than ever – as if nothing else mattered. Nothing still does when a whisper of a bark reaches my ears, except I am ready to fight now tho, to death.
What if one person during the time of my initial inquiry would have made the effort to think with me about it? – or at least not stop me. I can spare myself today as inquiring is my daily fortune while creating my path toward truth becomes bliss.
What if I explain to someone who has a deep misunderstanding about life, that affects his behavior unconsciously, therefore uncontrollably? A moment of sincerity, expressing the thoughts with the proper emotions is always life-changing – with the condition to be with the right person, one who reflects with empathy. One sincere answer to a long-life inquiry is probably the best way we evolve as humanity, into more connected societies – imagine, reader – “How would it be if all of us knew what everyone else thinks of us, sincerely”.
On a personal level, the implications are vast, as I want my endless inquiries to meet their “maker” – to have that conversation with a good cinematographer, a good architect, a good teacher, a good of everything. Then I will be fulfilled, knowing how people who mastered their craft think, as until then I can only think of how they think….
Unconscious symptoms of misthinking of others
How much time did you waste thinking of what others think? How much will you waste today? How much of your present awareness is used to fantasize about other people? Or do you only think about yourself – unaware that you are another one of the people?!
A few symptoms can form and grow in the mind of a person who thinks about others’ thoughts, forming “mind-cancers” – most likely connected to physical cancer of the brain (hypothetically). One can spend his life in that state of mind, becoming a living ghoul, dependent on others to think for him – dementia, Alzheimer’s, or simply long-term forgetfulness. One can become aggressively or suicidally crazy thinking about what happens beyond his present awareness (surroundings). When one unconsciously uses his awareness on other people, it can become influenced unconsciously, as if one is leaving the body and emotions behind attempting to grasp a mirage – an illusion experience at the expense of the present moment. One who thinks of others unconsciously becomes tensed when the real interaction happens – easy to notice from our interactions with teachers or parents in most cases.
I used to have an imaginative rush whenever I encountered a person, even before the real meeting, even if I had just heard about that person (is also object & phenomenon related). A few seconds would take to form their whole life – this was just the beginning, sprung from curiosity. It takes less than a minute to imagine a scenario of the potential interactions with that person as if is a chapter of a book – with vivid details of the space, emotions felt, appearances, context, ideas talked…. This is the curse of a powerful imagination. When I began to write fiction, in less than ten hours I had twenty good pages. Those are the benefits after a conscious effort happens willingly.
Too much thinking….
People can think of each other’s thoughts even if they lived together for years, even decades, or if they just discovered someone through the internet. It happens naturally in the first moment, but if we let our thoughts fly around them, our emotions will soon follow, there is where the illusions begin to form. Our mind has the fundamental purpose of finding connections between what we perceive and our emotions. If our emotions are telling us to be more curious, we can research more about the newly discovered person, but when information is scarce, the mind begins to interpret missing links – naturally.
Then we make a choice – whether we choose to believe what is spoken about that person, from others or itself, leaving our understanding at the mercy of our capabilities or we choose to listen to our intuition, which will whisper fragments of the truth, based on experiences of this life that go beyond our present understanding.
The first is called manipulation, an unconscious action that a person considers a willful personal act, born from his soul, rising from pure intention – manipulation implies self-convincing through lack of self-awareness. What that person doesn’t know – that “intention” forms in his mind, influencing his emotions until forgetfulness grows enough to make him see an illusion as reality – like selling desert land to people, envisioning for them how forests will grow, how rivers will flow, how cities will form. Most people will buy anything in their budget if it comes in their favorite color. Most people will think of any idea if it makes them feel their favorite emotion. Most people are willing through hell, for the promise of a warming light – not knowing how to look up to the sun, while feeling the awareness inside, the true light of our souls.
The intuitive approach, the latter described, comes from the depths of our memory. Anyone can touch its wisdom in a moment of inner silence. Not anyone can hold the insight (or better in-sighting) with enough precision to dig through the unconscious with the scope of the truth. I remember a moment – observing an apple tree while imagining & feeling its nature, as insights about how draining water with minerals from the ground and carbon from the air could happen, in the light of the sun. It might sound stupid or crazy, as this knowledge is covered in a written page or one-minute video, yet how many people “empathized” with a tree? – since then I cannot rip a living leaf. This is the effect of deep intuitive understanding.
I know it all well – thinking about my thoughts or of others – well enough to empathize with anyone going through that hell of living – too well to suffocate myself in fantasies, not well enough to fly through it unaffected.
The big question now…. “How to stop worrying about what other people think?”
When I make a mental projection of a person, thoughts form around it naturally. If I lose awareness of what happens around me and focus solely on those projections, thoughts flow continuously. If I let my emotions be involved, my behavior will change – that is where the danger of thinking about others begins.
People with high psychopathy are the best at not worrying, considering they don’t let their emotions be influenced by others, as they neutralize their thinking before it happens. An unconscious psychopath will influence anyone for his interest, just to feel good about himself, regardless of the consequences – without ever experiencing an emotional connection with another human. A conscious psychopath understands the meaning of emotions (his & others), seeks collaboration for the common good, be sincere and trustworthy – but will never “split the difference” and never attach emotionally, while being complacent with physical pleasures.
A psychopath doesn’t have a choice regarding his emotional state. On the other extreme are people who crave to be influenced emotionally – empaths. Both suffered traumatic experiences in their childhood – with unconscious consequences that make them react in some situations. An unconscious empath will seek refuge in every social interaction, searching for emotions that he would like to manifest, but cannot because of the trauma.
If a self-conscious psychopath can become a successful businessman, a conscious empath can become a successful politician – or to add more complexity, the psycho can be a perfect person for action, while the empath-o, a team leader, as his vision is centered on the well-being of people.
In between those extremes is most of humanity. Understanding those extremes will help to approximate the emotional spectrum we are comfortable experiencing – help us to figure out how the architecture of our mind works – and further find ways to create or improve our behavior, to adapt better in uncomfortable situations.
How to think of others…
- The only process of the mind you have to stop so that any worry about what other people think vanishes, is to stop thinking about others first – then, as a consequence, any thought about them cannot form.
My suggestion is to approach the extreme scenario. Do not think about anyone for a couple of weeks. Whenever you witness a thought on others, neutralize it and think about yourself instead. If you have family (kids especially), friends, or colleagues-related thoughts, neutralize them – is not going to turn you into a psycho. This practice is meant to observe how the architecture of your mind works and how it interacts with your emotions. During this period, especially in the beginning, you may notice an increase in your vision of your future actions – further improving your relationships with everyone you will interact with. This will happen because you improve your way of thinking – consequently creating better possibilities in your life around others.
- Only one action is required – to place awareness just within your body, on your sensations & emotions – whenever a thought goes to another human projection from your mind, no matter the circumstances, you force it back to think of yourself.
This is crucial to practice until understanding stabilizes, then you can begin the conscious approach regarding thinking about others. The fundamental aspect of this kind of interaction comes from a convergence between our present knowledge and understanding of the experience of that person. Whether it happens with your parents/children/ friends or a new “persona” from an internet video, being aware of this convergence will make us conscious of the whole situation – creating stability between what we perceive and what we feel in that moment.
- Consciously thinking about other humans is related to our emotional understanding. Emotions have fundamental aspects that reflect differently in our behavior. Emotions can be embedded by other people (unconsciously) or we can create them (consciously) through artful endeavors. We can keep emotions just for ourselves in the form of tensions or share them to form life-long connections.
We cannot interact emotionally with people that did not have similar experiences at the same level of intensity. What someone describes as a traumatic experience, for me could be a twinkle in the heart – if I explain my traumatic experiences back, it might make that person feel good about himself/ herself. Similarly, for happiness, people will experience it differently – some will feel happy listening to a saddening song while some cannot bear its sounds.
We can explore emotions that make us uncomfortable by exposing ourselves to situations where those happened to other humans. If someone wants to understand trauma without unconscious consequences, is enough to contemplate the waterless lives of children – or have a talk with a child forced by nature to beg for money. They do not understand what happens to them, but a person who did not experience trauma can explore it for both.
Due to our interaction with our parents, no matter how much they love us, tension can form, creating unmanifested thoughts. We may react sometimes, or act consciously – creating a beautiful smile or a necessary tear. Tension can form in our present awareness when an online character appears on our social media expressing his insecure opinion to grab on attention of others. Like yelling to a child for attention, knowing it will not happen, that child now yells to the world, unaware of consequences, or what causes him to manifest such behavior. Unconscious behavior just happens, while conscious beings witness it as happening.
- We are both children & parents in our being. Teacher & student in our life. Conscious & unconscious in our minds. Aware & unaware of something all the time, everywhere we are.
